Meme's the Theme

Alright, world. I have an internet meme party to attend this weekend. If you don't know what a meme is, I'm giving you two options:

1. Go to: Internet Meme on Wikipedia. Then, KnowYourMeme.com
2. Stop reading now.

If you chose option #1, I'll give you a minute to learn about memes.

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Okay, got it? Good. Gooooood. Let's move on.

Now, there are thousands and thousands of memes, and therein lies the problem: I don't know which one to dress up as for this meme party.

There's Philosoraptor, a philisophical Velociraptor who always ponders very thought-provoking questions.

Then there's the recent phenomenon named Antoine Dodson. "Hide yo kids, hide yo wife, and hide yo husb' cause they be rapin' errybody out here." Need I say more?


"Y U NO" Guy is a man of few answers, but a lot of questions.


There's always gonna be haters, and haters are always gonna hate. These typically include a photo of a person or animal who's seem to not be able to care less about what others have to say about them. Often they are depicted amid a confident stride, as our friend Mr. Owl here.


Bear Grylls is known for his stunts that help him stay alive in the wild, including drinking his own urine. Exaggerating the circumstances under which he would drink his own urine make it that much more funny.


Alright, so those are some of my favorite memes. What are some of yours? And finally, what should I dress up as for the meme party? CAUSE I DON'T KNOW! LOL

Oh, hey blogger.

Remember that time I haven't blogged in over two years? Probably not, because let's be real, no one's reading this anyway.

Well, it's 2011. What's happened since we've last spoke?

I've graduated with my Bachelor's degree in Social Science and I'm currently enrolled in the last semester of my Master's degree in Educational Technology.

My addiction to crystal meth has come and gone. And come again.

Oh, and Egypt's president, Hosni Mubarak, just resigned. Like, right now, after 3 weeks of protesting by millions of Egyptian citizens. The emotional crowds celebrating all over the country are deafening. Power of the people! Jubilation! Congratulations, Egypt. We are proud of you.

I've gotten a new job. Granted, it's a one year contract, but hey - maybe if I'm fantastic and prove myself worthy, they will keep me around.

So, yeah, stuff's been happening!

Now, what do I say to you? I'm trying to blog more. You've heard that one before, I know, but it's true. What do you want to hear about? What do you want to read? I need to find a groove to get into, so I don't disappoint.

25 Random Things

1. My middle name is Harrison.

2. I was obsessed with dinosaurs as a kid. I knew them all, but now there are all these new species. *sigh* What ever happened to good old Brontosaurus and Triceratops?

3. I secretly want to take over the world.

4. I have a very strange habit of clenching my teeth after each street light I pass in a car.

5. I'm probably overly selective when it comes to eating food. Actually, I'm probably overly selective with everything.

6. I wear inserts in my shoes to keep my ankles in alignment due to my severe flat feet.

7. I want to live in a cottage on the tundra, surrounded by fields of columbine and willow, with mountains in the distance.

8. My ideal job would be to travel the world, taking my time at each stop. Just travel. No actual job.

9. I don't understand why people say things like, "MUSIC IS MY LIFE!!!!!!" Really? No one says "ASSISTANT MANAGING IS MY LIFE!!!!!!" even when it is, because that's not considered "trendy."

10. I like to call my friends by offensive nicknames.

11. I'm indecisive when it comes to small issues, like where to eat. Please pick for me, but I'm quick to tell you if I don't like that place. :x

12. Most of my friends are older than me. Weirdos. Hanging out with a mere child.

13. I throw random movie (or YouTube video) quotes into normal conversation, and if I'm capable of imitating the voice that originally spoke them, I do that, too.

14. I want to be the best college teacher your kids will ever have.

15. Sometimes when I'm leaving my hometown, I get sad leaving my mom and dad. :B

16. There are certain people who I can never remember their birthday, no matter how many times I've been told. Jenni Johns and Lindsay Savino, I am sorry.

17. My 13 year old sister is almost as tall as me. She's going to be an Amazon. I'm going to be a dwarf.

18. No one quite understands my sick sense of humor as well as Jordan Hickey. Twins!

19. I've watched Finding Nemo in French more times than you. Thank you, Madame Wise.

20. I have a family full of comedians. At least, we all like to think we're funny, but that's debatable. It's in the genes, I guess.

21. I hope to die young, and in some crazy way that makes other people jealous. They wish they could die like me.

22. I don't understand why when people like someone else, their IQ drops and they suddenly have no sense. I'm not excluded from this. Yes, it happens to the best of us.

23. I have more Star Wars action figures than your mom. Yes, hundreds. And I'm thoroughly embarrassed by that.

24. I don't like deserts because of the lack of green things. Green is my favorite color.

25. Trashy television shows, like Divorce Court and Cheaters, are my favorite. Anything to make me stupider, please.

Thou shalt love thy neighbor

Why do people feel threatened or get angry by those who are different from them?

Every person on this planet is different from the next. Genetically speaking, however, we are nearly 100% the same. An almost immeasurable percent is all it takes to make us each look, sense, and act differently from each of our peers. Some of the differences may be major (noticeable) or minor (not noticeable). However, it usually seems that the major differences are the ones that anger people the most.

What constitutes a major difference is based on opinion, naturally. Major differences are typically viewed in groups of people for a commonality that they share, for instance their race or sexuality. This was a premise for the Holocaust. A hatred of Jews and other minorities fueled one of the biggest wars in the world's history. Why? Well for many reasons, but for one, they were different. They believed differently or behaved differently enough for the Nazis to want them exterminated.

I think one of the biggest reasons why people feel threatened is because they are unfamiliar with people different from themselves. Psychologically, people seek out those most like themselves. So, it is natural for people to feel unfamiliar or uncomfortable around people who look different, or act different from themselves. However, that is different from feeling threatened or hating someone because they aren't like you. It is particularly easy for people who live in a small town to feel this way, because they are surrounded by people just like them. In a big city, people come to observe those from all walks of life, and come to be more understanding and tolerant of other ideals. That is what I wish for. Tolerance.

Many people ultimately hate what they don't understand. Others feel threatened by people who are different because they fear change, fear that the differences will lead to the tearing down the institutions and beliefs they stand for. I see this particularly in the religious, of many different religions. In America, the Christians are the most easily offended and threatened because they are quick to disapprove of anyone who doesn't follow their Bible's standards. In Saudi Arabia, the Muslims are the main group to feel threatened by different ideals. It all just depends who you are around and where you are.

So, what's my advice on this matter? Rather than hating or refusing to acknowledge differences amongst people, I think people of every type need to reevaluate what really matters. Don't hate, tolerate. I may not have the same beliefs as you, and you may not have the same beliefs as your grandmother, but does that mean we can't all be perfectly content with each other the way we are? You do not have to agree with everyone's lifestyle or decisions, but can't you agree to love them for who they are, and look at the positives rather than nitpick at what bothers you? I promise most people are not out to threaten you and your beliefs, but more than likely they just want people to acknowledge their own. I say keep your beliefs, but recognize that we all are different and have our own thoughts. Above all, we are all human. Love those different from you. Why? Because as if I haven't given you enough reason already, they really aren't that different from you. In fact, they are over 99% the same. Tolerate the differences between you and those around you. Love the differences between you and those around you. Without those differences, no matter how minor or how major, life would be extremely boring. And your friends would be lame and mindless and just like you. And you yourself would suck.

The end.

Talk that sexy talk to me

It's 1am on Friday morning. Here are some new things going on as of late:

- I just got paid.

- I've recently watched videos of botfly larvae removals and giant cyst pimples being popped. Please feel free to diagnose my mental instability. 

- I like to see things that you normally don't get to see in real life. Tooth fairies. Unicorn fights. Rotting corpses. 

- I obviously beat to a different drum. 

- I like unusual events. Like seeing MeLissa Gavarrette on her 21st birthday. Like witnessing a UFO. (Yes, I've seen both.)

- I make depreciating comments towards gay people all the time, especially when I can tell if someone is gay from 500 feet away. i.e. "Look at that queerbait." Maybe I shouldn't, but that doesn't stop me. Okay, I know I shouldn't, but "queerbait" is such a good word, I can't waste it.

- I don't know if "queerbait" is one word or two.

- I hate when people change the channel when a commercial comes on. 

- I am now unavailable Sunday, Tuesday, and Wednesday nights. Why? 24 and American Idol.

- I want a deaf boyfriend who is cute. Cute boys with handicaps can have my heart at any moment in time. Just come into my line of vision, and I will immediately thrust a knife into my chest. 

- I wish I could sing better. I'm not terrible, but not good.

- I am being better and better about saving money. You'd be surprised.

- I am thinking lately about where I want to go this summer. Australia might not work out due to the other party not attending, so if anyone thinks they can go in May...tell a brother.

- I've learned that I can always count on a few people to always be there for me. No matter how long it's been since we talk or see each other, we pick right back up. Thanks Ginan, Jordan, MeLissa, Amanda, Brie, Jessica, Hilda. I may not talk to each of you every day, but just know I appreciate you. Or, if you're Ginan, I see you every day. Ugh!

- I'm starting grad school in the Fall at UCF, so long as I'm accepted. Master's in Educational Technology.

That's enough madness for now to make you want to delete me from your friends list.

Addicted to LSD? Have Taco Bell for "Fourth Meal" instead.

Last night I had the most cray cray dream I have ever had. Without further ado...

My family and I were driving through the Great Smokey Mountains in the Appalachians. True to their name, there was smoke (but actually fog) here and there, so as we descended a mountain and came around a curve my mom couldn't see the SUV stopped ahead of us until it was too late. She managed to stop almost completely, and tapped the back of the SUV lightly, just making a few small marks. There was a family inside, a particularly rude family. The father, a tall, frowning man, got out and made a scene. My mom was apologetic, but he didn't feel like calling the police. So we both continued on. Little did we know, both vehicles were headed to...you guessed it! Wal-Mart.

















Once at Wal-Mart, I perused through the Star Was action figures in the Toy Department. Didn't find anything I didn't already have, but then there was the rude father with one of his children. He made some rude comment, so I walked away, fuming. I told my mom and she told me to just ignore him, but the longer I thought about it the more angry I became. So, I stalked the isles until I found him, went up to him, and cussed him the mess out. He just looked at me, shocked. Then I washed my hands of his foolishness and prissed off, satisfied.

Suddenly I am back in my hometown of Lake City in North Florida. Not just in Lake City, but in a cowfield behind my parents' neighborhood. The cow field is surrounded on three sides by woods, the front side by houses. I'm in the middle of the cow field with some friends, Lauren and Jessica, my family, and then some random people that my brain made up. Probably twelve people total. And we're just standing around. In this cow field.

There are five cows, five horses, and one donkey in this field. Suddenly, the animals start running around us in a circle. The donkey, which bounced and jumped like an antelope, found it best to cut right through the crowd and nearly take someone out on occasion. Lauren sees a black animal lazily draped over a dead limb about thirty feet above the ground, and starts to bring her camera up to photograph him when I realize what it is - a deadly black jaguar/leopard thing! He opens his yellow eyes and stands up on the branch and everyone screams in terror.















The next thing that happened was probably the most anticlimactic part of the dream. Instead of leaping down ferociously, he jumped and suddenly became very much like jello. He sort of floated and flopped in the air until he landed on his four paws. Then the terror and fierceness returned. Well, sort of. Instead of running like a normal big cat, he simply spread his legs out and then pushed them together, which then propelled him straight up and then towards us. He did this repeatedly, which actually was much more effective, if more cartoony, than running. So now we have a jumping jaguar on our hands.

We scattered. And everyone survived the vicious attack.

I later decide it's a good idea to return to the field alone to confront the black jaguar and ask him if I can photograph him. So I walk up to him, who is again has draped himself over his lookout branch, and ask, "May I photograph you?" He opens his bright yellow eyes and peers down at me for a moment, just enough time for me to ask myself why I'm talking to an animal. Then he reminds me why by saying, "Sure," because animals can talk. So I begin taking pictures and we chat a bit, during which he told me his name is Queequeg. Yes, Queequeg the black jaguar. Take a moment to think about that.

Okay, so as I'm finishing my photography, he says, "Alright, you may keep the photos and live if you can make it to the gate of the field before I do." I looked at him and argued, "That wasn't part of the deal!" He stood up on his limb. I tore off towards the gate.

Doing his usual and awkward jumping technique, he reaches the gate long before I do. In case you've never seen a cow field gate, it has gaps between the metal bars going across it.

On the other side of those bars was my neighborhood. However, between me and the gate was Queequeg. The black jaguar. As I ran toward the gate, I contemplated how I might evade certain death and make it over the fence. Since I'm small, I decided that trying to dive through the metal bars would be my best bet. After all, I'd be home free. Certainly he wouldn't go outside of the fence. So as I got within a few feet, Queequeg snarled and stepped toward me. To his surprise, I leapt clear over him and carefully dove through the bars of the fence to freedom. I looked back as I ran towards my home, and saw Queequeg staring at me, his jaw hanging open in shock. Yes, Queequeg, I outwitted you.

That was the end of my dream, but let's point out a couple of things. Queequeg is the name of a character in the famous book Moby Dick. I've never read Moby Dick or heard of Queequeg in my life. I also ate Taco Bell two hours before bed, and it most definitely instigated this trippy dream. So, I have a proposal for all you crackheads and LSD users out there. Take a break, save some money. Go to Taco Bell. I did.

Cause I'm a Paper Chaser

Today is my first day back at work. The one thing that is bad about taking a vacation is that you never know what you're gonna have waiting for you when you get back. I've been out of the loop for three weeks, so when I opened the Assistant Instructional Design email inbox and saw all these replies, forwards, and frantic emails from professors who will burn the school down if they don't get this file uploaded to their course by today, I nearly quit. And flicked everyone off as I did it.

When a professor emails me something like, "PLEASE!!!! THIS IS WRONG, CORRECT IT!!! MY CLASS STARTS TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" What would one think about that? Has all manners of professionalism gone out the window? I literally had an email like that today. All caps, excessive pleading and exclamation points. If this is the type of emails we get, you would think the world is ending. But no, this professor just turned out to be an idiot and sent us the wrong stuff. We did exactly what she asked, but now because of her foolishness, we have to redo the course page. But not by tomorrow! So take that, sucker!

Last night I rolled around in bed and thought about what I was going to blog about today. I laughed out loud on multiple occasions. At 2am. Alone. In my bedroom.

Awkward.

Needless to say, I couldn't come up with anything blog-friendly to write about. So thank goodness I had a crazy professor email me today, or there would be no blog.