Last night I had the most cray cray dream I have ever had. Without further ado...
My family and I were driving through the Great Smokey Mountains in the Appalachians. True to their name, there was smoke (but actually fog) here and there, so as we descended a mountain and came around a curve my mom couldn't see the SUV stopped ahead of us until it was too late. She managed to stop almost completely, and tapped the back of the SUV lightly, just making a few small marks. There was a family inside, a particularly rude family. The father, a tall, frowning man, got out and made a scene. My mom was apologetic, but he didn't feel like calling the police. So we both continued on. Little did we know, both vehicles were headed to...you guessed it! Wal-Mart.
Once at Wal-Mart, I perused through the Star Was action figures in the Toy Department. Didn't find anything I didn't already have, but then there was the rude father with one of his children. He made some rude comment, so I walked away, fuming. I told my mom and she told me to just ignore him, but the longer I thought about it the more angry I became. So, I stalked the isles until I found him, went up to him, and cussed him the mess out. He just looked at me, shocked. Then I washed my hands of his foolishness and prissed off, satisfied.
Suddenly I am back in my hometown of Lake City in North Florida. Not just in Lake City, but in a cowfield behind my parents' neighborhood. The cow field is surrounded on three sides by woods, the front side by houses. I'm in the middle of the cow field with some friends, Lauren and Jessica, my family, and then some random people that my brain made up. Probably twelve people total. And we're just standing around. In this cow field.
There are five cows, five horses, and one donkey in this field. Suddenly, the animals start running around us in a circle. The donkey, which bounced and jumped like an antelope, found it best to cut right through the crowd and nearly take someone out on occasion. Lauren sees a black animal lazily draped over a dead limb about thirty feet above the ground, and starts to bring her camera up to photograph him when I realize what it is - a deadly black jaguar/leopard thing! He opens his yellow eyes and stands up on the branch and everyone screams in terror.
The next thing that happened was probably the most anticlimactic part of the dream. Instead of leaping down ferociously, he jumped and suddenly became very much like jello. He sort of floated and flopped in the air until he landed on his four paws. Then the terror and fierceness returned. Well, sort of. Instead of running like a normal big cat, he simply spread his legs out and then pushed them together, which then propelled him straight up and then towards us. He did this repeatedly, which actually was much more effective, if more cartoony, than running. So now we have a jumping jaguar on our hands.
We scattered. And everyone survived the vicious attack.
I later decide it's a good idea to return to the field alone to confront the black jaguar and ask him if I can photograph him. So I walk up to him, who is again has draped himself over his lookout branch, and ask, "May I photograph you?" He opens his bright yellow eyes and peers down at me for a moment, just enough time for me to ask myself why I'm talking to an animal. Then he reminds me why by saying, "Sure," because animals can talk. So I begin taking pictures and we chat a bit, during which he told me his name is Queequeg. Yes, Queequeg the black jaguar. Take a moment to think about that.
Okay, so as I'm finishing my photography, he says, "Alright, you may keep the photos and live if you can make it to the gate of the field before I do." I looked at him and argued, "That wasn't part of the deal!" He stood up on his limb. I tore off towards the gate.
Doing his usual and awkward jumping technique, he reaches the gate long before I do. In case you've never seen a cow field gate, it has gaps between the metal bars going across it.
On the other side of those bars was my neighborhood. However, between me and the gate was Queequeg. The black jaguar. As I ran toward the gate, I contemplated how I might evade certain death and make it over the fence. Since I'm small, I decided that trying to dive through the metal bars would be my best bet. After all, I'd be home free. Certainly he wouldn't go outside of the fence. So as I got within a few feet, Queequeg snarled and stepped toward me. To his surprise, I leapt clear over him and carefully dove through the bars of the fence to freedom. I looked back as I ran towards my home, and saw Queequeg staring at me, his jaw hanging open in shock. Yes, Queequeg, I outwitted you.
That was the end of my dream, but let's point out a couple of things. Queequeg is the name of a character in the famous book Moby Dick. I've never read Moby Dick or heard of Queequeg in my life. I also ate Taco Bell two hours before bed, and it most definitely instigated this trippy dream. So, I have a proposal for all you crackheads and LSD users out there. Take a break, save some money. Go to Taco Bell. I did.